Not Worth the Worry.

I remember having long talks with my dad when I was little. He would always come in my room every night and say me a prayer and sing me a song before bed. I remember talking about God with him. I had alot of questions, and he always had answers. 

I can remember being like 9 years old and not being able to sleep because I was worrying about too many things. Like what does a 9 year old have to worry about? I would worry so much that I could not sleep and I would make myself sick. My dad would come in and pray with me. Every night, he would pray for me to not worry, to be strong, and to not cry. He would tell me how he believed in me and that God would help take my worries away and make me strong. All I had to do was ask. He said that I just needed to give all my worries to God and trust that he would take care of everything.

It took awhile, but eventually I did not have to sleep with my light on anymore. I prayed to God and asked him to help me teach myself to not worry. When I fully started trusting in him, is when I felt the most relief and was able to fall asleep at night without worrying about things that could happen to me. 

Now I'm 19 years old. Ten years later, and I am having this problem all over again. I wish that I could call my daddy into my room so that he could talk and pray with me and help me know that everything is going to be okay. My biggest problem is that I have a hard time fully trusting in God's plan for me. I am such a control freak that I want to be the one in control. But I know that to get rid of my anxiety, I need to cast it all upon God and trust that he will take care of it. I also have a hard time asking God for help. I have a hard time asking people for help in general, but I know that I should feel comfortable asking God for help. I just feel like sometimes that my problems are not that big compared to other people. I don't want to take away any time from people with bigger problems and say hey God, look over here I need help with this little problem called anxiety. While someone else needs help with a big problem like cancer.

I know that is not how prayer works. I know that God hears everyone, and its not like we have to form a single file line and ask God for help one by one. I just feel like the problem is so small that I can handle it on my own, and he can help out all the people with major problems. I have such a big issue with telling people my problems, that I cant even tell God. Which is a major problem because I know that I should go to him for help. I guess it is hard for me to admit that I need help because I am so good pretending that I am fine all the time. But there is a point where everyone needs help in life. And who is a better person to turn to for help than God?

Only God has the power to take all of your worries away. I am working on being more open and honest and letting Him help me instead of trying to be in control all the time. Admitting you have problems does not mean that you are weak. It means that you have risen above yourself and have decided to seek external help because you have finally realized that the healing cannot come from you. It must come from God. All you have to do is let go, and let God.