broken.

Life can be crazy sometimes. It's like it is just tempting you to see what it can throw at you next. Which road are you going to go down and how far will you go before you fall of the edge. You are being pushed and pulled in every single direction. Then you are going along just fine, when all of a sudden there are a million speed bumps in your way. And then its like, well how much more of this can I really take. How much can I handle being thrown at me, while I'm trying to do everything that needs to be done, while also trying to stay on the right road.

You can tell yourself that you can do it. You can handle everything that is thrown at you with a huge smile on your face. But you can only be so positive and so strong for so long before you start to break.

and when that happens, there's no turning back.

You can think all of the positive thoughts that you want too. You can smile and tell yourself that today will be a good day, because you will make it a good day. You can wear your favorite shirt. You can listen to your favorite song on repeat. You can eat lots of chocolate.

But none of that matters after you're already broken. because things that are broken require healing.

and healing takes time, which can be frustrating, which can make you upset, which puts you in a bad mood.

and at that point, it really does not matter how many times you smile at yourself through the tears in the mirror. It doesn't matter how many people you surround yourself with just so you do not have to be alone with your thoughts.

Because at that point, you are broken. Broken things require repairs. and the repair is something that you do not know how to do. After you have already tried so hard, prayed so much, been so optimistic; once you're broken, you will be broken for awhile.

Being broken doesn't mean that you have given up. It simply means that you have realized your life is beyond your own repair. That means that you need to call in the big dog.

Just like you call an electrician when the light wont turn on, or the plumber when your toilet wont flush; you call God when your life is a wreck.

The first step to fixing a problem is admitting that you have one. The second step is getting rid of your pride and asking for help. When you are broken, ask for help to be fixed, so that the the big man upstairs can come in and do the repair.
Let go, & let God.

Not Worth the Worry.

I remember having long talks with my dad when I was little. He would always come in my room every night and say me a prayer and sing me a song before bed. I remember talking about God with him. I had alot of questions, and he always had answers. 

I can remember being like 9 years old and not being able to sleep because I was worrying about too many things. Like what does a 9 year old have to worry about? I would worry so much that I could not sleep and I would make myself sick. My dad would come in and pray with me. Every night, he would pray for me to not worry, to be strong, and to not cry. He would tell me how he believed in me and that God would help take my worries away and make me strong. All I had to do was ask. He said that I just needed to give all my worries to God and trust that he would take care of everything.

It took awhile, but eventually I did not have to sleep with my light on anymore. I prayed to God and asked him to help me teach myself to not worry. When I fully started trusting in him, is when I felt the most relief and was able to fall asleep at night without worrying about things that could happen to me. 

Now I'm 19 years old. Ten years later, and I am having this problem all over again. I wish that I could call my daddy into my room so that he could talk and pray with me and help me know that everything is going to be okay. My biggest problem is that I have a hard time fully trusting in God's plan for me. I am such a control freak that I want to be the one in control. But I know that to get rid of my anxiety, I need to cast it all upon God and trust that he will take care of it. I also have a hard time asking God for help. I have a hard time asking people for help in general, but I know that I should feel comfortable asking God for help. I just feel like sometimes that my problems are not that big compared to other people. I don't want to take away any time from people with bigger problems and say hey God, look over here I need help with this little problem called anxiety. While someone else needs help with a big problem like cancer.

I know that is not how prayer works. I know that God hears everyone, and its not like we have to form a single file line and ask God for help one by one. I just feel like the problem is so small that I can handle it on my own, and he can help out all the people with major problems. I have such a big issue with telling people my problems, that I cant even tell God. Which is a major problem because I know that I should go to him for help. I guess it is hard for me to admit that I need help because I am so good pretending that I am fine all the time. But there is a point where everyone needs help in life. And who is a better person to turn to for help than God?

Only God has the power to take all of your worries away. I am working on being more open and honest and letting Him help me instead of trying to be in control all the time. Admitting you have problems does not mean that you are weak. It means that you have risen above yourself and have decided to seek external help because you have finally realized that the healing cannot come from you. It must come from God. All you have to do is let go, and let God.

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

Your past does not define you. God is greater than your past.

If you have to be careful when you bend over, it's probably not appropriate.

The way you get freedom, is by forgiveness.

If you still think about it, dwell on it, or worry about it; you're not over it. Talk it out, it always helps.

Your self-worth cannot be defined by anyone else. That's allllll you :)

If it's not going to matter in 5 years, it's not worth the argument.

Make sure all the size stickers are taken off your clothes before wearing them in public.

Words are just words. But remember that words hurt.

When someone smiles at you, you better smile back. It takes more muscles to not return the smile, so that means you have to really concentrate on not doing it. And that's just rude.

You will miss great opportunities in life if you fail to do things because you are too scared.


Have a wonderful Wednesday! Got any good words of wisdom?